For a certain person, just the name alone – IBIZA – evokes amazing memories of a year gone by.
Beautiful sandy beaches, gorgeous cocktails and fresh island food go hand in hand with 20 quid bottles of water, ropey West End peach schnaps promotions and airport Burger King.
The nightlife has been unparalleled down the years, though – the ice cannon blasting out with the trance at Amnesia, Carl Cox and Danny Tenaglia mashing it up in the Courtyard at Space, the infamous sunsets at Café del Mar listening to Paul van Dyk’s ‘For an Angel’ and off-ya-head-mashups with 10 other people in Tropi Trance Dance Bar.
But now, I’m proud to announce, we can add another iconic Ibizan memory to that list - John Kirkham dripping in sweat in a skin-tight GBR suit in Santa Eulalia.
This is a blog about my experience competing for Great Britain in Ibiza, the trials and tribulations in getting there and how YOU TOO can compete for Great Britain (you’ve just got to tone ya pecs up a little bit).
But firstly, IBIZA.
For an old-school clubber like myself, Ibiza has always had an allure. I’ve been well over 20 times and as the years have advanced I’ve scaled down the mayhem that used to ensue (had to). I've gone all-out and swapped Cyber for Strava.
So, when the announcement came that Ibiza would host the World Triathlon Multi-Sport World Championships in April 2023, I was well excited – I HAD to be there. It was almost a dream come true (even though I’d never actually dreamt or thought about it).
Qualification for these events is organised by British Triathlon and runs the preceding year to the competition. There’s normally three qualifiers you can race and during 2022 I entered two – I really wanted to get there. With competition fierce (EVERYONE wants to go to Ibiza) I finished slightly outside of the 20 available spots but due to some dropouts I was eventually granted my spot in early 2023 (thank God for those dropouts – they usually only happen to me in a recruitment capacity - I deserved this!).
I was now selected to compete for Great Britain in the 40-44 Age Group Sprint Duathlon team in IBIZA – a fast race consisting of a 5km run, 18km bike and 3km run – IBIZA GET READY, GET READY TO FLOW!!! So far so good right? WRONG.
I must have dined on my 2022 success a little TOO much over Christmas and New Year as I came back from our Cancun All-Inclusive a tad overweight. That coupled with my exploits getting up to qualifying standard in 2022 and not giving myself enough time to get back up to that pace again, I found old injuries coming back to bite hard. By the end of January, just two weeks back into it, knee and ankle injuries were putting paid to any serious running and a debilitating groin injury (which takes months of recovery) reared its ugly, hernia induced intestinal head mid-February – I was effectively OUT of Ibiza ☹
Boohoo I hear you shout but yeah, I was proper down about it – everything was going tits up and the bad injuries seemed to start off a list of ALL sorts of shit going wrong with my body including never had before skin conditions, circulation issues and severe neck cricks appearing out of no-where - even my EYELIDS got in on the act. I mean, you can normally rely on them to not play up, can’t you? I normally like blinkin', I do. Not this year.
The icing on the cake was a week before the race when I was struck down with severe tooth pain – a new root canal job even though I’d only had one a couple of weeks before.
But I was determined to go, to say ‘I’ve competed in Ibiza’ and against all my not-so-better instincts I stopped training to give my body time to recover. Covering just 15 hours of activity in March compared to 35 normally, I focused on getting trim and that discipline reduced me guzzler by a good 5 kilos from January. At least I wouldn’t look like Bellies Gonna Getcha in my GBR suit.
Myself and Gina arrived on the island a few days before the race, taking advantage of the off-season prices to stay at the Catalonia Ses Estaques , a beautiful hotel where we enjoyed oursevles a little TOO much - again. A training run a couple of days into the holiday had me sweating absolute cobs after only a kilometre. It was then I decided to take the professional athlete stance - NO HEAVY DRINKING between now and the race (well, save for the odd 2 or 3).
The events in Ibiza were to be spread throughout the island depending on what event you were doing. The duathlete’s were mostly based in Santa Eulalia on the east of the island, the Aquathlon would also take place there, too. The Cross Duathlon (off-road) events were based on the other side of the island in San Antonio where my friend, from parts unknown, and TWOOOO TIIIIIME MULTI-DISCIPLINE GBR ATHLETE SCOOOOOOOOTT BIIIIIILLING would be competing later that week - here's some pictures of the hunk in action. Look at that mother move!
Registration was in Ibiza Town and although it seemed like a pain in the arse to get to, it was a great opportunity to visit the jewel in the crown of the island – it’s a great little city. As per Bilbao, the athletes village in Ibiza Town was a proper set up with music blaring out, all sorts of clothing and nutrition stalls and a big whiteboard to write some funny ditty on. And with this being a WORLDS event there was a great turn-out from loads of athletes from around the globe with Mexico, the United States, Canada, South Africa and Australia especially well represented.
We queued, gathered my race number 1180 (which I thought a lucky number being my date and year of birth) and then after purchasing the obligatory merchandise from several stalls it was drinks and food in Ibiza Town and then back to base later that night.
As the big day got closer for me it was just a case of keeping calm, not thinking too much about the race and eating and drinking the right things, staying out of the sun. Due to not being in the best shape, I wasn’t too stressed about how I’d do in the race and even if I came last (which was a real possibility) I’d be OK with that. The running course was relatively flat (loops around the port area in Santa Eulalia) and whilst the cycle route wasn’t simple (out of town and into the low hills followed by a kicker in and out of the turnaround) it should be doable.
It was the penultimate day. I nipped out early on my bike to recce the bike course, dropping it off at the transition area the day before the race (which was a requirement). This was slightly stressful, leaving your bike in the soaring heat in the day and then overnight, too. Tyres were deflated to avoid them popping, bike was mounted, stickers were attached, bum was twitching – it was nearly race day.
Later that evening was the opening ceremony and the athletes parade, this actually bettering the one in Bilbao as there were so many different nations. You really get a feeling of being at a massive event during these parades, marching with your fellow GBR athletes, bantering with the spectators. The Mexicans definitely stole the show, they were going crazy and loving being there as a team. It was great to see so many athletes and there were supposedly over 3000 covering 53 nationalities across the island (which went up to 61 for the Elite races).
RACE DAY – so how did I do?
Well, sort of how I’d expected/hoped. There’s some seriously fast guys in the Age-Group (for example, one guy who I’d ‘competed’ against in a Qualifier got moved up to the Elite race) and although you’re officially competing against mega-fast people, you sort of fall into your own group which for me is at the back. I’d got up at the crack of dawn and made my way to the start line, warming up on my own and staying out of the direct sunlight so I didn't become Sweaty Raphael (that's me as well!).
The start time creeps up, the nerves start to seriously jangle, the herding into the starting pen commences and THEN the realisation really dawns. The music blares out, the athletes are all eyeing each other up, you’re all called forward, on your marks, get set and then GO GO GO KIRKHAM GOOOO!!!!
With my crappy fitness I expected to be OK for about 3km’s and that was the case, the final 2km of the run I was wheezing out of my backside and seriously wondering how I’d get around the bike leg – and worryingly, that was probably going to be my weakest discipline with my groin injury preventing me doing much bike training.
But it went alright – I managed to put in a decent dig with a Mexican bloke (who’d given me grief on the run for spitting). We caught up with a fellow GBR and Canadian athlete and all did a bit of work together, taking turns for the first few KM's. The pace was high, though, and as we approached the turnaround the Mexican and GBR guy first dropped the Canadian and then me.
However, as I recovered coming up the hill from the turnaround, a small group from the leading Age Group behind started to catch-up and with one last decent dig I managed to keep on their wheels, pretty much getting a fast tow back into Santa Eulalia. This was my favourite part of the race, real racing at pace which I didn’t expect to experience due to my fitness, it was quality. For that one moment you feel like a proper athlete racing for your country. Amazing. Plus we pretty much managed to catch the guys who'd dropped me, too - suckers!
The second run was pretty slow, actually slower than I hoped and felt BUT I managed to finish and I was really proud of competing to a half-decent level – a 5km of around 20 minutes, a bike ride of about 34kmph and a last run of about 13 minutes – pretty slow and sweaty but at least I got around. I came 37th out of 47 and I was the last GBR athlete but I'd done it. That day and night I celebrated with my my wife, Gina, and my sister Joelle who'd come to support, too.
And that was it. I'd accomplished my goal. I’d competed for GBR in Ibiza and even though the build-up to really took a lot out of me mentally and physically, I’d learnt a lot. Mostly, don’t double up on your breakfasts at the Mexican All-Inclusive.
And so that could be you next. If you can run a 5km under 20 minutes, cycle over 34kmph on the bike and then hit in and around 4 minute KM’s on the last run you’ve got a great chance of qualifying to complete for Great Britain. Have a look at the qualifying link here and give it a go.
If you qualify it’s an experience money can’t buy - I'd recommend these events to anyone.
But hey, don’t go TOO fast – this part-time athlete still has some aspirations left to complete.
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